Black (History) Sunday

It has come to Toilet Guppies' undivided but short-spanned attention that this week has been Negro History Week a.k.a. Black History Month in North America and the UK. In white liberal solidarity, I wanted to post some black music of historical value, but there's something a bit wrong about depriving black artists of due income by filesharing copyright protected music—and on the week celebrating their history, no less.

That's why God gave us streaming. And as love is in the air these days, how about some dating jive? Here are some gems from the late 1940s by Louis «King of the Jukebox» Jordan—jazz innovator, rap progenitor and crucial inspiration to the Godfather of Soul (and Soul Brother No. 1), James Brown, giving advice to the fellas on dating:

Louis Jordan & His Tympani Five: «Beware»

Well, Black History Month or no Black History Month, that's just some bad advice right there. Jordan is obviously a cynical enemy of all that is love and passion: Beware «if she's easy to kiss and won't resist»?! Thank your lucky stars, more like it. And if she starts to kiss, certainly don't resist! If she straddles you in a chair, you needn't beware. Let it happen.

And «if she's acting kind of wild, and she says, 'Darling, give me a trial,'» take her up on it! Don't be crazy. And the only thing wrong with the situation where «you turn out the lights and she don't fight» is, of course, that you should never turn out the lights. Alright?

But Jordan isn't done yet. Naturally, he's got some advice for the sisters, too:

Louis Jordan & His Tympani Five: «Look Out»

Finally, among all the surprisingly prudish warnings for such a soulful player, Jordan comes out with some (in)decent words of advice: «Now listen, girls, don't tease him just squeeze him, because that's your main squeezy—easy!»

Although personally, I don't mind a little tease from my main squeeze…