Showing posts with label [Love]. Show all posts
Showing posts with label [Love]. Show all posts

24.5.10

Love (Pt. 8), or, Circling the Rim of Complete Love

Charles Bukowski: «The Best Love Poem I Can Write at the Moment» (live) [mp3]



Who doesn't dream of unconditional love? No such thing, of course, but it's one of those things you catch yourself longing for nevertheless. One of those lamentable, if obvious truths you'll intellectually acknowledge to yourself every once in a while—whenever you remember to, or the subject comes up: «Of course love's never unconditional; what are you, a child?!»—but which your behaviour and unconscious assumptions forget all about when you find yourself in love, skipping down the street daydreaming about a bright future devoid of life's pesky challenges, when everything will finally have come together, forever. Like a little kid who cannot get his head around not getting his will yet, you continue to expect and demand—or simply just want, in vain—this unreasonable, unconditional devotion, of yourself and of another. Perhaps you're even one of those sentimental, maudlin people who always promise what they cannot possibly keep, telling yourself as well as your significant other(s) that your love knows no bounds…

But what does this unconditional devotion really entail? Charles Bukowski—that no-nonsense bullshitter scribe of half-empty glass truisms—shows us in this poem how romance taken to its logical extreme is, well, perversion.

The closer love approaches the event horizon of the limitless and unconditional, the filthier and less morally or socially acceptable it becomes. And so perversion doesn't stand in the way of love, or cheapen it, as much as it heightens, strengthens and confirms it. It's simple, really: The harder it gets to go on loving someone—when, to paraphrase Ford Fairlane, the object of your desire doesn't play hard to get as much as hard to want—the more unconditional your love truly is. (Unless you bail, that is.)

The sappy romantic tends to dream and says things he doesn't even know that he doesn't really mean. Not if put to the test. Like bandying about with the term «forever», or tattooing their lover's name on their chest. The romantic can be all floaty words sometimes, and then it's only through the baptism of fire of perversion that the ideals of love are tested, proven and vindicated.

Similarly with depravity. Without love or romance, it's merely filth, degrading to everyone involved. The kind of filth that's in the gutter when you're not looking up at the stars. A cheap thrill isn't redeeming, isn't sublime until you've shared it with someone you love. But if you're lucky enough to be with someone with whom you may throw propriety (and, perhaps, hygiene) to the deviant wind, you'll find that the most depraved and repulsive act is pure. What's right is already right and what's wrong is merely wrong, but to make what's wrong right is transcendence, baby. You need to deviate, let loose and act like an out-of-control animal following irrational, unseemly, unhealthy and meaningless urges with love.

And so it's high time the romantics and the perverts come together. (Pun squarely intended.) There's no romance like a perverted one, and no perversion like a romantic one. Want to know if your love is real? Where romance meets perversion is where you'll find some truth in that minefield of self-delusions. So grab your dearest and go do something so nasty that you'd be ashamed to tell another living soul about it… and do it for love.

So whether you're in the gutter looking up at the stars, or in the stars looking down into the gutter, love your pervert and pervert your loved one today!

the best love poem i can write at the moment.

listen, I told her
why don't you stick your tongue up my ass

no, she said.

well, I said
if I stick my tongue up your ass first
then will you stick your tongue up my ass?

all right, she said.

I got my head down there and looked around
opened a section
then my tongue moved forward

not there, she said
ahhahahaha
not there, that's not the right place

you women have more holes than swiss cheese
I don't want you to do it
why?

well, then I'll have to do it back
and then at the next party you'll tell people
I licked your ass with my tongue

suppose I promise not to tell?

you'll get drunk, you'll tell

o.k., I said
roll over
and I'll stick it in the other place

she rolled over
and I stuck my tongue in that other place

we were in love

we were in love except with what I said at parties
and we were not in love
with each others ass holes

she wants me to write a love poem
but I think if people can't love each others ass holes
and farts
and shits
and terrible parts
just like they love the good parts
that ain't complete love

so, as far as love goes
as far as we have gone
this poem will have to do.

9.4.10

Love (Pt. 6), or, Teenage Lust Psych-out!

In this latest installment in Toilet Guppies' meticulous and exhaustive exploration of love in modern music, we've finally arrived at garage rock from that decade of love—the 1960s.

V/A: Teenage Lust Psych-out!—18 Far Out Love Freak-outs from the Garage [.zip]

Did you ever love someone so much it kind of hurt? Chafed around the edges of the old corazón a bit? Ever felt that intensity that blurs the boundary between pleasure and pain, whether it's your mind hopelessly in love with no way of controlling it (reality as unpredictable and fickle as it is), or whether it's your body pushed over that edge and climaxing with violent spasms and tremors? Sure you have, and I bet you didn't know what to do with yourself.

To alleviate the violence of emotion, perhaps you grabbed the nearest CD by some singer-songwriter waxing poetic about the dizzying heights and crushing pitfalls of romance. That was a mistake. It won't do you any good indulging in sentimentality. What you need to keep that crazy love from exploding into a mess of human emotions, sticky fluids and funky entrails is this compilation, designed by Sheik YerdiXXX for the express purpose of acting as a vent, keeping you somewhat sane while undergoing the psychosis of overly enthusiastic affection, whether you choose to dance or fuck to it to release the tension of ecstasy when bliss lasts longer than its usual brief flash. The human body can stand pleasure only so long at a time. You, my friend, need relief, release… fun!



The last half of the 1960s saw an explosion in amateur recordings, often in the form of quickly forgotten (if at all noticed) one-off 45s by a dizzying plethora of dilettante R&B rockers all named The something-or-others who, more often than not, were still in their teens—and almost exclusively males. Erect, bursting-at-the-seams, rearing-to-go boys in their hormonal prime, on the verge of manhood and of getting it on (or so they desperately hoped). Their usually badly engineered and poorly mixed tunes typically featured stomping drums, jangly fuzz guitars and the occasional demented scream, like so many sexually frustrated howls at the moon (and all that signifies—loneliness, lunacy, the tide, menstruation and all that). When the lyrics' subject matter was not bitter recrimination of some woman who didn't put up (or else put up too much, with too many other men), a typical theme was desire for a girl yet to be persuaded and mounted (the prospect of all that pent up love milk about to be pumped out, at last!) or the joy felt at the love, physical or otherwise, provided by this girl. The sexual frustration or elation (whichever the case) was such that the song's narrator would often proclaim, out of either impatient readiness or blissed-out gratitude, his true and undying love.

Somewhat rashly, one might say, as such hormone-fuelled proclamations seem to mistake lust for affection. But then writers of love songs often forget lust when they pen their ballads of seduction, slyly playing upon heartstrings instead (which in general is much more effective than appealing to just sex—declarations of mere horniness often being considered unsophisticated by the object of seduction). If love is one part lust and one part hope (and, as long as we're being honest, a pinch of need), lust is conspicuously absent from most love songs. So these inept compositions—lazily rhyming, as they often do, «girl» with «world», «fine» with «mine», «nice» with «spice» and «good» with «would»—are refreshing. They get down to the nitty gritty of love: simple, innocent—and expressed with your body. After all, lovers tend to usher in a new romance with rampant fucking. And should a lasting relationship be formed, with the lovers going through various ups and downs, enduring slumps and crises, then rediscovering their spark would, again, be marked by a whole lotta fuckin'. Ain't nuthin' unsophisticated about it, honey buns…

So forget tender ruminations of everlasting soulmating for now. Here are ecstatic expressions of the life force and the meaning of human existence in all its randy elation. Songs almost mystically joyous, with roaring guitars taking on decidedly erect shapes and the screaming, broken voices ejaculating lust for life—and pusy.

As Rick James once told Tracy Morgan: «Freaky-deekies need love too. Freaky-deekies need love, too…»

For all you love hounds out there, then, Toilet Guppies brings you a teen mix from old 'Dixxx; a various artists collection of scuzzy, fuzzbucket '60s punk songs, some of them rare even on CD comps, all revolving around romantic affection. Unhinged teenage ejaculations of love, to be precise. This guaranteed no-filler all-killer compilation of some of the best and most blistering love songs pre-cum pre-punk ever produced is a reminder to all that love needn't be tender and gentle, expressed in faint-hearted balladry. It can be hard and upright meets soft and yielding, and awash with warm and sticky bodily juices. Let that love (or E) cup runneth over! Besides, there's no affirmation of life quite like teenage trash explosion—snotty throats incompetently vomiting out lust for life and sexual frustration in equal measure. Yeh! Switch off your mind and give in to your hormones! Rock'n'roll! And if you have a loved one, grab her and go dancin'…

19.2.10

Love (Pt. 5), and Thinking It

Here's another installment in Toilet Guppies' continued series about that emotional, psychological and sometimes sexual risk that is love, as treated in modern song. The good ones:


You can take all your high class poetry of rock—your Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen and Nick Cave—but did you ever try keeping it simple? Perhaps especially when these men among letters are lustful and high on their own gift, one suspects they use their wordsmithery just to manipulate their love interest's mouth down south, coaxing and playing the impressionable beauties from behind a mask of sophisticated elegance and martyred, Bohemian desire that is all but irresistible to validation hungry pretties dazzled by the eloquence they themselves don't possess. It probably works for them, but what are we supposed to listen to, when we're smitten and can barely contain ourselves for all the giddy glee of infatuation and find ourselves in desperate need of identifying with someone, something, some words lest we explode and implode, all at the same time and in every direction, because we sure as hell can't reveal to the object of our affections how we honestly feel (not yet anyway)? The outward motion of seduction is one thing, the inner tension of infatuation quite another, and the two don't share release valves.



Well, there's always Spiritualized's «I Think I'm in Love», the layman's love song (apart from the narcotized junkie intro, that is). This one's not a mating call from a smooth-tongued wizard of words to his stargazing groupie, but an anthem for those of us who, despite having little or no reason to feel hope, are still bursting with a totally unreasonable bliss that's probably doomed, but we don't care: We finally have A Sense Of Purpose and A Reason To Get Up In The Morning!

«I Think I'm in Love» is the perfect song for all of you who are helplessly in love, against your better judgment. Whoever said you can't really be insane if you know you're insane had clearly never been in love. For being in love is finding yourself in an utterly psychotic state—and some of us realise it, without that changing a thing. We're still powerless to resist, which is why we can only try to ascertain that we're not the only ones, by seeking familiar thoughts and feelings expressed by someone far more eloquent than ourselves—and if it's in the form of a pop culture hit embraced by hundreds of thousands of our fellow human beings, all the better! That lends our state some measure of normalcy, which helps, because as we all know a psychosis that's normal isn't considered crazy at all. Which means we don't need to see a therapist, but can go on fantasising and daydreaming about things that will never happen with people who don't exist (at least not quite as the person we think they are) until reality hits us with either rejection or everyday life. (Or will it?)

In the meantime, we can find temporary release in these shared sentiments, guiding us from shameless hubris to crippling doubt and back again. Because we never really believe that doubt when we're in love, do we? We just play with its notions, in erstwhile preparation for the disappointment experience has taught us is likely to come (if not inevitable). It's that clever-dick wise-ass voice at the back of your mind, heckling your innocent joy like some bitter bore stalking your conversations at a party he wasn't even invited to. And the blue-eyed boy inside of you is simply too pure and harmless to think of a decent come-back, powerless against the bad breath of the cynic haw-hawing at your sweet, sweet illusions. Luckily, denial is one of the strongest human tendencies, and so the light in which we bathe when we're hopelessly in love takes our attention away from that voice of dissent. No point in listening to that voice, anyway. You'd just end up with tissues, to dry either your eye or your hand. Naw, just let the doubt voice its misgivings; nod your head in condescension as your mind drifts off to rose-tinted reverie, hallucinating happiness. Sometimes hope delivers.
I think I'm in love
(Probably just hungry)
I think I'm your friend
(Probably just lonely)
I think you got me in a spin now
(Probably just turnin')
I think I'm a fool for you, babe
(Probably just learnin')
I think I can rock'n'roll
(Probably just twistin')
I think I wanna tell the world
(Probably ain't listenin')

I think I can fly
(Probably just fallin')
I think I'm the life and soul
(Probably just snortin')
I think I can hit the mark
(Probably just aimin')
I think my name is on your lips
(Probably complainin')
I think I have caught it bad
(Probably contagious)
I think that I'm a winner, baby
(Probably Las Vegas)

I think I'm alive
(Probably just breathin')
I think you stole my heart now, baby
(Probably just thievin')
I think I'm on fire
(Probably just smokin')
I think that you're my dream girl
(Probably just dreamin')
I think I'm the best, babe, c'mon
(Probably like all the rest)
I think that I could be your man
(«Well, probably just think you can»)

I think I'm in love
Or you could simply say, like Beck, «I think I'm in love / But it makes me kinda nervous to say so». It ain't Shakespeare, but then the Bard of Avon could never have come up with that.


[The full length version of Spiritualized's «I Think I'm in Love» is available on Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space. Beck's «Think I'm in Love» is available on The Information.]

18.2.10

Rare or Unreleased 43: Guy Blakeslee

When he's not singing about ghosts or social phobia, against war or for civil rights, a recurring theme in Entrance a/k/a Guy Blakeslee's song-
writing is control. As in: not being controlled by your desire, in the form of the object of it. Written by a young man, many of his songs are about trying to ward a lover's possessiveness and neediness (traits equally typical, perhaps, of young girls) off your freedom. After all, love + need = power games. In Blakeslee's universe, freedom springs forth from truth, but is threatened, encroached or stifled at the other end by romance, rendering love anathema to life, but then life a hindrance to happiness. The resulting tension, frustration and confusion between love and independence is the source of some of the best (if most criminally ignored) new songwriting of the '00s, not only despite but also because it's not flashy or trying to be innovative. («Original» often being just another word for «soon-to-be-dated».)

Entrance—once a desperately wailing, loud and utterly liberating one man band—was one of the original exponents of «freak folk» (though he was always less whimsical and more blues oriented than über-freakie-folkie Devendra Banhart). His two last records have ventured into more instrumented, almost funky hard rock à la Led Zeppelin. No artist should stand still, and though Entrance's recent release and first record as a three-piece band is laudable for going off in a different direction, for those of us less inclined towards noodling space jams than down home acoustic laments and hoots'n'hollers, here are some older rarities by a solo Blakeslee, most of them intimate home recordings. None of them deserve to be rare, but rare they are. And here they are:


1. Pretty Baby

Echoes linger like some kind of aura of electricity whenever Blakeslee’s wails are drawn to the magnetic tape, as he bends the distortion to his will with the varying pitches and intensities of his wolfish howls. Nobody writes an ambivalent love song like Entrance—no frills, just the simplicity of archaic, barely literate blues lyrics trying to hold on to a spirit of independence in the face of Love. He even pulls off sarcasm without being overly bitter or coming across like just another clever, shallow hipster. (He’s caustic because it’s good for her. He's not about to kill with kindness.) Besides, anyone who could pen a line like, «Don’t let Jesus catch you like he has before / Tripping while you’re dancing on the bar room floor,» is a bona fide poet, and you better know it. And not to sound misogynistic, but this really is a liberating anthem for any male who has ever had to contend with clingy demands, draining emotions and cunning manipulation. Anyone who's ever dated a goth chick will know what he means. Son, leave those suicide girls well alone:

Pretty baby, all dressed up in black
Your make-up is on, and your hair's pulled back
But it ain't time no time to go out on the town
So take your black dress off, and let your long hair down…


From the out-of-print, self-released 13 Unreleased Songs 2002-2006 (2008). An upwards spiralling, full band studio version can be found on Prayer of Death (2006)

2. Valium Blues

Raga flamenco blues! Two studio versions of this song exist: the Led Zep-echoing, psychedelic acoustic version on debut album The Kingdom of Heaven Must Be Taken by Storm (2003), and the gypsy space rock band version on Prayer of Death. But this distorted demo version is perhaps the most unmercifully blistering run-through of this desperate but ultimately soothing love-song-by-way-of-insomnia:
I shouldn't waste my freedom on your worries
I must look out, my vision's getting blurry
But I've been lying sleepless
Until the light of the new day
Worried about how you're gonna change
Earlier tonight I was a stranger
In a fatal trance of lonely anger
Now I'm lost in visions and beholding
As the precious minutes keep unfolding
So please don't fear our love is ever-changing
My whole world could use some re-arranging

From 13 Unreleased Songs 2002-2006 (2008)

3. You Must Turn

A piano appeal to any friend who has lost their way, pulled down by gravity and stewing in the acrid juices of their own sloppy, sticky, glue-like negativity.

From the out-of-print, Devendra Banhart-curated various artists compilation The Golden Apples of the Sun (2004)

4. Mary, Don't You Weep/Down on Me

These two traditionals showcase Blakeslee's signature falsetto-vox-and-acoustic-guitar-with-foot-bell-stomp, and sound like they're outtakes from excellent sophomore effort Wandering Stranger (2004). The paranoia of the last part of the medley is classic Entrance.

From 13 Unreleased Songs 2002-2006 (2008)

5. Cocaine Blues

First made available as a free download on Entrance's MySpace page, this tragic and morbidly humourous re-writing of the old traditional tune as a love song could well be another outtake from Wandering Stranger.

From 13 Unreleased Songs 2002-2006 (2008)

6. Right and Wrong

Another demo originally made available on Entrance's MySpace (in 2006 or something), this is a heartbreakingly ambivalent «So long» to either a lover or a dear friend. Why this melodic goodbye—so comforting to those who need a soundtrack to go with the collapse of some relationship—was never released (not even on 13 Unreleased Songs) is a mystery…

7. Woncha Come on Home

Blakeslee never sounded so scared, forlorn and full of lonely longing as on this cover of Joan Armatrading's venting of need and paranoia. Arguably one of Blakeslee's finest performances, it's no coincidence this was one of the first pieces of music to ever be posted onto this blog.

From 13 Unreleased Songs 2002-2006 (2008)

14.2.10

Love (Pt. 4), or, Goodbye Big Sleep, Hello Little Death

Toilet Guppies' endeavour to show you where to look among the garbage and the flowers of the love song continues, this time bringing us to the nu-hippie end of the spectrum, care of a mystic ode to cumming. That's right:

Akron/Family: «River» (live) [mp3]

Kurt Weill sang that «Love is a spark / Lost in the darkDevendra Banhart that «Within the dark, there is a shine / One tiny spark, that's yours and mine.» Toilet Guppies isn't one to disagree, but as far as Akron/Family is concerned that spark doesn't go gently into the night, but ignites raging flames—from the fire down below to the firing synapses in a blissed-out brain, purifying your jaded, corrupt and suffering self in the blazing immolation of self-absorption that is love.

Wow. OK, so that was a bit much, even for a Toilet Guppies rave, but you get the picture. This is the tide of bubbling joy that cannot be stemmed, by mountains or by self-composure, by drought or by tradition, by dams or by VD. Fitting, then, that the title of Akron/Family's love song is «River».

Two years before coming out (pun intended) with «River», the Family had backed Michael Gira as the Angels Of Light on «Black River Song», with Gira intoning,
Black River runs, beneath this ground
Black River flows forever, but he makes no sound
He runs through me here and now
And he runs through your children too
He runs through every man, woman, living thing

Black River's born in the mouths of old and dying men
Black River flows through the belly of everyone
Fading, growing, fading, flowing
Breathing, leaving, growing, receiving
The Family's river, however, is altogether less black, bleak and inevitable:
And you are no longer a river to me
And you are no longer a river to me
Though your coursing remain eager to acquaint me
And you are no longer a docile stream
And you are no longer a docile stream
Though your patience proves you've been to ease

And once this spark met kindling
Forgets its gentle ambling
Becoming heat, becoming steam
Becoming luminescent glee
Atoms splinter, sparkling
Alive and nimble symmetry
And all along, this glistening
Blankets, wee, and everything
Shadows dance triumphantly
A wordless whisper sighs and pleas
Little deaths envelop thee
You and I and a flame make three
You and I and a flame make three
You and I and a flame make three

And you are not a glassy bay to me
And you are not a glassy bay to me
Though my tired fleet abides in your gentle breeze
And you are now a vast and open sea
And my mind travels you endlessly
And you beckon, toss and toss and swallow me

And once this spark met kindling
Forgets its gentle ambling
Becoming heat, becoming steam
Becoming luminescent glee
Atoms splinter, sparkling
Alive and nimble symmetry
And all along, this glistening
Blankets, we, and everything
Shadows dance triumphantly
A wordless whisper sighs and pleas
Little deaths envelop thee
You and I and a flame makes three
You and I and a flame make three
You and I and a flame make three
Is this fire an eternal flame, or just a spark in the dark? Who cares—as any mystic worth his mettle knows, the present is without extension, and so infinite. And love is love is love is love. Which, some would have it, is the opposite of (or the cure for) the fear of death. So to hell with the big sleep; for now la petite mort is where it's at, baby, let it envelop thee! There's no present moment, no now like that quavering or quaking little death. This is the way the world ends: Not with a bang but a wordless whisper—only to begin anew, life after death. Reserection!

Let love in, then let it out, in torrents of pleasure juice—much like a river. You know it makes sense. Just remember to do it with a partner; you and a flame only make two, and it's three that is the magic number.

[The above mp3 is extracted from Akron/Family's performance at All Tomorrow's Parties New York in 2009, as recorded by WFMU. For the definitive version, less rushed and meandering, you can buy the group's 2009 studio album Set 'Em Wild, Set 'Em Free here.]

28.1.10

Love (Pt. 3), or, Hope of the Hopelessly Romantic

«Buckets of Rain» versions [.zip]:
  1. Bob Dylan (original Blood on the Tracks pressing)
  2. Marissa Nadler (live on Phoning It In)
Are you in love? Maybe with an artist? Or a writer? Or a punk? A hippie? A stripper? A singer? A foreigner? A free spirit? A cult follower? A pagan? A teacher? A student? An introvert? An exhibitionist? A sister of mercy? A delicate romantic? A fearless sex beast? A wild child, kept alive inside a feral woman dripping in blood and pheromones? A hedonist? An Adventist? An innocent pervert?

And does this person make you feel blessed? Lucky? Beautiful? Joyous? Saved? Sacred? Scared? Helpless? Top of the world? Like you want to be better? Loved?

But is this object of your desire unavailable to you? Living in another country, perhaps? Or maybe on holiday on the other side of the world? Wrapped up in the world of work? Is the person of your affections lost at sea, trapped in a mine, on an expedition in the jungle, repairing a satellite, taken hostage by terrorists, or already married—to a ruthless drug lord with a decidedly jealous, no, let's make that paranoid streak? Or has she been married off to some snot-nosed would-be patriarch who keeps her in house arrest in some inflexible Muslim country to perform household chores and reproductive duties in his mother's home, controlling her communication with the outside world? Is your soulmate so wrought with issues and dysfunctions he or she is all but impossible to deal with? Is the person in a coma—dead, even?

Or is the feeling simply not mutual? The impossibilities are endless, but whatever the scenario, Bob Dylan has you covered:
Like your smile
And your fingertips
Like the way that you move your lips
I like the cool way you look at me
Everything about you is bringing me
Misery
Thank you, Bob Dylan, for writing a lullaby for the unbearable tension of nursing a crush on someone who may or may not be approachable, available, attainable—like when there's just no way of knowing yet! When infatuation makes your mojo grow and you can see the light of happiness glow right there in front of you, almost within reach, and you once again feel alive and like a member of that human race that writes schmaltzy love songs, cheesy rom-coms and queesy Valentine's cards that are otherwise so detestable. You can hardly follow a conversation, let alone work or sleep. Flights of fancy, daydreams, niggling hopes and nagging doubts dog your every move as you commute between Ecstasy and Despair (both perfectly imaginary). All productivity goes out the window, your rationality hanging by a thread of strenuous effort to maintain some sort of self-discipline, lest you turn into some incoherently raving stalker howling pathetically beneath the window of the hapless object of your affections.

In the long run, there really is nothing worth pursuing quite as much as love, but right now, in that endlessly suspended moment where you still don't know which way that obscure object of desire will swing—does this other person (and I do hope you're in love with a person, or else you're in for a wild but doomed ride, friend), does this seemingly irresistible someone actually feel the chemistry and the electricity, or is the connection not noticed by him or her and hence not a connection at all, but a cruel fiction invented by your own excitable self? Right now this uncertainty is torture. «Misery.» The wait for some sort of resolution seems endless, time crawling infuriatingly by, and nothing can quiet the swirling thoughts that amount to just one thought, really, repeated ad ridiculum: «Does s/he feel the same?» Until the answer is given, nothing else seems to matter. Food, friends, hobbies… Even though your mind's entirely one-track, you still can't think straight. In bed, you've been tossing and turning for more hours than are left before you need to get up for work, when those words of Bob Dylan's rise up from the depths of your memory (or is that your downstairs neighbour's flat?), to calm you right the fuck down.
Buckets of rain
Buckets of tears
Got all them buckets comin' out of my ears
Buckets of moonbeams in my hand
You got all the love, honey baby
I can stand



Little red wagon
Little red bike
I ain't no monkey but I know what I like
I like the way you love me strong and slow
I'm takin' you with me, honey baby
When I go
Aw, Bob, thanks! One listen to «Buckets of Rain» slackens that knot within. It's a pep talk for those ravaged by the sweetest thing there is. And because it's the sweetest thing, everything seems to hinge on it. (It doesn't, you know.) What you need is time out. Something to take you out of your tunnel-of-love vision. Like the recognition that this shit happens all the time, everywhere, so don't sweat it:
Life is sad
Life is a bust
All ya can do is do what you must
You do what you must do and ya do it well
I'll do it for you, honey baby
Can't you tell?
So drop your romantic urgency and desperate possessiveness for now, because that's not love anyhow. Be thankful that when thinking of others, you do not only feel regret, resentment, suspicion and disappointment, but something to make sense of your inborn impulse to be with other people. If Hell is other people, Heaven must be, too:
I been meek
And hard like an oak
I seen pretty people disappear like smoke
Friends will arrive, friends will disappear
If you want me, honey baby
I'll be here
Now that's luv, Bub.

5.1.10

Love (Pt. 2), or, Star of the Sea


Einstürzende Neubauten feat. Meret Becker: «Stella Maris» (single edit) [mp3]

It's almost impossible to spot the blurry line that separates love from wishful thinking. A long line of biologists, psychologists, neuroscientists, sociologists and cynics stand ready to ridicule your instincts with their undeniable facts and persuasive arguments whenever that warm, fuzzy feeling casts all reason aside and grabs you by your lipstick-smeared lapel, stuffs a carnation on it, slaps some eau de toilette on your bewildered face, quickly checks your breath and pushes you on your way to some hopefully holy union…

But the party-pooping naysayers are forgetting that love resists rationalisation. That's why whenever some romantic, some Shakespeare or Browning, starts counting the ways they love thee, they're talking absolute gibberish. You could always say you love your special friend because they're «pretty» and «funny», &c., but how many millions of people are pretty and funny? You're not in love with all of them, are you? If it were that simple, you could choose who to fall in love with, and when… No, there's an inscrutable, irreducible, ineffable something-or-other about this love business. Some elusive thing to do with what we call chemistry, spark, whatever. Fact is you can't pinpoint love any more than the scientists, who'll dismiss anything that resists explanation for long (and sorry, scientists, but facial symmetry, pheromones, child-bearing hips and a creepy likeness to one's opposite-sex parent simply won't do), leaving it up to Hope and Doubt to fight it out in the boxing ring they've made of your thumping, heaving chest.

All of which hardly helps us, as we try to tell whether there's actually something real going on here, or whether we're just imagining things. And since love seems so unreal, all the more fitting that Einstürzende Neubauten's Blixa Bargeld—poet of geography, astronomy, physiology, all things nautical and, perhaps surprisingly for an infamous speedfreak, dreams—describes love in the language of dreams, as a dream, as he and the subject of his affections (sung by Meret Becker) go in search of each other. But shall the 'twain ever meet?

STELLA MARIS

Ich träum' ich treff' dich ganz tief unten
I dream I'll meet you deep, deep down
Der tiefste Punkt der Erde, Marianengraben, Meeresgrund
The deepest point on Earth, Mariana Trench, ocean bottom
Zwischen Nanga Parbat, K2 und Everest
Between Nanga Parbat, K2 and Everest
Das Dach der Welt dort
The crest of the world
Geb' ich dir ein Fest
There you'll be my banquet guest
Wo nichts mehr mir die Sicht verstellt
Where nothing more can impede my vision
Wenn du kommst, seh' ich dich kommen schon vom Rand der Welt
When you come I'll see you coming from the world's margin
Es gibt nichts Interessantes hier
Here there's nothing of interest
Die Ruinen von Atlantis nur
Just the ruins of Atlantis
Aber keine Spur von dir
But of you, not a trace
Ich glaub' du kommst nicht mehr
I don't think you're coming anymore
Wir haben uns im Traum verpasst
We missed each other in our dreams

Du träumst mich ich dich
You dream me, I you
Keine Angst ich weck' dich nicht
Don’t worry, I won't wake you
Bevor du nicht von selbst erwachst
Before you wake up yourself
Über's Eis in Richtung Nordpol dort werd' ich dich erwarten
Across the ice towards the North Pole is where I'll expect you
Werde an der Achse steh'n
I'll be standing on the axis
Aus Feuerland in harter Traumarbeit zum Pol
From Tierra del Fuego in hard dream labour to the pole
Wird alles dort sich nur um uns noch dreh'n
There everything will revolve only around us
Der Polarstern direkt über mir
The Pole Star directly above me
Dies ist der Pol ich warte hier
This is the pole, I'll wait here
Nur dich kann' ich weit und breit noch nirgends kommen seh'n
Only I cannot see you coming from anywhere for miles around
Ich wart' am falschen Pol
I'm waiting at the wrong pole
Wir haben uns im Traum verpasst
We missed each other in our dreams

Du träumst mich ich dich
You dream me, I you
Keine Angst ich weck' dich nicht
Don’t worry, I won't wake you
Bevor du nicht von selbst erwachst
Before you wake up yourself

Bitte, bitte weck' mich nicht
Please, please don’t wake me
Solang ich träum' nur gibt es dich…
Only as long as I dream do you exist…

Wir haben uns im Traum verpasst
We missed each other in our dreams

Du träumst mich ich dich
You dream me, I you
Keine Angst ich weck' dich nicht
Don’t worry, I won't wake you
Bevor du nicht von selbst erwachst
Before you wake up yourself
Lass' mich schlafend heuern auf ein Schiff
Enlist in slumber on a ship
Kurs: Eldorado, Punt das ist dein Heimatort
Course: El Dorado, punt, that's your home
Warte an der Küste such' am Horizont
Wait on the coast, look on the horizon
Bis endlich ich sehe deine Segel dort
Until at last I see your sails there
Doch der Käpt'n ist betrunken
But the captain is always drunk
Und meistens unter Deck
And mostly below deck
Ich kann im Traum das Schiff nicht steuern
I can't steer this ship in my wildest dreams
Eine Klippe schlägt es Leck
On a cliff it springs a leak
Im Nordmeer ist es dann gesunken
In the North Sea it then sunk
Ein Eisberg treibt mich weg
An iceberg drives me back
Ich glaub' ich werde lange warten
I think I'll be waiting for long
Punt bleibt unentdeckt
Punt stays undiscovered
Wir haben uns im Traum verpasst
We missed each other in our dreams

Du träumst mich ich dich
You dream me, I you
Keine Angst ich weck' dich nicht
Don't worry, I won't wake you
Bevor du nicht von selbst erwachst
Before you wake up yourself

Du träumst mich ich dich
You dream me, I you
Keine Angst ich finde dich
Don't worry, I'll find you
Am Halbschlafittchen pack' ich dich
Collared in a doze I'll grab you
Und ziehe dich zu mir
And pull you towards me
Denn du träumst mich ich dich
For you dream me, I you
Ich träum' dich du mich
I dream you, you me
Wir träumen uns beide wach
We dream each other awake

(The full-length album version of «Stella Maris», complete with the last verse as given in the lyrics above, is available to buy on the new reissue of Ende Neu, here.)

20.12.09

And Now for Something Completely Different: Love (Pt. 1)

… a new series in which Toilet Guppies takes a look at the finest in popular music love balladry. First off is Lou Reed's classic Velvet Underground & Nico tune «I'll Be Your Mirror»:

I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you

I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty that you are
But if you don't, let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you

I'll be your mirror
(Reflect what you are)
If we could read minds and see completely into the inner sanctum of other people's nekkid selves, piercing their very being without averting our gaze, chances are we'd be scared. Scared or bored. (Or ashamed, should they happen to be better than us—or worse than us, yet not quite frightening.)

I don't know if it was fearlessness, a perpetual sense of excitement or stupid pride that enabled him to do it, but Lou Reed managed to imagine such a scenario and still salvage a belief in love—and convince us, too, which is the real feat. Perhaps sensing some of the hopelessly broken parts inside the heart & mind of his main squeeze at the time, Nico, he sought to assure her he would not avert his eyes in fright, boredom or shame should she drop her guard and reveal her true nature to him. It wasn't long after this, however, that the German chanteuse abruptly ended their liaison by casually announcing, to the Velvet Underground during band rehearsal, something to the effect that she had gone off Jewish cock. (Or so the gossip mill goes.)

This ultimate come-back aside, «I'll Be Your Mirror» is an enduring song of love and support that rings just as true between real friends as it does between sincere lovers. (Tolerance and acceptance are not yet romantic love, so it may even work better that way.) It also stands out by being, despite the clunky rhymes of its poetry and its lack of eloquence, an intelligent love song, which would be a dying breed if it weren't already just a curious anomaly occurring at intervals so few and far between they're all but statistically insignificant. Fools rush in and write songs about love for other fools to rush in to. But this song doesn't promise anything wild and crazy like everlasting love, or resort to pompous imagery and metaphors. «I'll Be Your Mirror» is pure, simple—too straightforward and sincere for poetry.

When a love song falls flat on its face, by failing to achieve for the writer what he intended it to do, it loses credibility, threatening to take Love itself with it. But despite the failure of Reed and Nico's affair, you'd have to be deeply cynical—damaged, in fact (or simply not very tolerant)—to scoff at the message of «I'll Be Your Mirror».

Besides, Nico and Reed would sing this song again, together, many times. As evidenced by the rehearsal and live versions on this sampler:

1. The Velvet Underground & NicoFactory rehearsal
2. The Velvet Underground & Nico—alternate mix, from the Norman Dolph acetate
3. Lou Reed & Nico—hotel room tour rehearsal
4. Lou Reed, John Cale & Nico—live in concert
5. Atlas Sound—cover
6. Beck's Record Club—cover
In Norway, the most requested pop song by far at funerals is «Eg ser» («I See»). Bjørn Eidsvåg—the drunken, fornicating ex-priest who wrote the song—explained its popularity by reference to the fact that, in strife, what people want (or need) the most is simply to be seen. Recognition. In general, you could say it's the most basic psychological need for a mind.

Now, like you're not really crazy if you know you're crazy, you wouldn't be truly «twisted and unkind» if you were aware of it in your mind, and so the «mirror» Reed writes of will either show you that you're «twisted and unkind»—in which case you're not—or that you're not twisted and unkind. And so the mirror is the reason why love could be key, and could actually better a person. But that's not all.

Apparently inspired by Nico once telling Reed, «Let me be your mirror,» Reed set about writing this love song with its emphasis on non-judgment. That the song was intended for Nico—or that she had coined the phrase that inspired it in the first place—seems most fitting, seeing as Nico's music (The Marble Index in particular) does mirror any listener who has the fibre to not only hear but to properly listen to it. Acting as a mirror, her music gets as close as humanly possible to saying what cannot be said—to distilling and conveying what isolates each and every one of us from each and every other person, paradoxically almost transcending loneliness in the process, as if Nico's expression of the isolated nature of consciousness has carried us across the unbridgeable divide that separates us, by saying so completely and definitively, «I Am Alone»—the second most basic truth, unifying us all, following hot on the heels of that most fundamental human statement, the cogito ergo sum—until we realise that's like saying, «I Alone Am,» and we find ourselves back on our own distant shore again, staring over at someone equally alone, yet still isolated, only able to see them as a projected mirror image of our own hopelessly lonely selves.

Nico's mirror almost succeeds in transcending loneliness. «Almost,» because the mirror image doesn't bring the comfort to deliver us from our isolation. The comfort imagined by Reed. Reed, lacking the completely unflinching gaze of Nico, does not want to mirror the other person—unless his mirror is a fun house one, distorting the features (albeit favourably). Reed wishes to project the rose-tinted image of love he sees onto the other person, until even she sees that. Fair enough, and nice try, but Nico was no innocent school girl, starry-eyed and blind to the absolute difference dividing us.

The song goes, «I find it hard to believe you don't know the beauty you are.» Of course Lou Reed—being so familiar with loathing (self- or otherwise)—didn't find it hard to believe at all. But give him a break. Even he could be in love, and that's when your words go mad, delirious with loneliness like so many parched men in deserts spotting magnificent oases on the horizon.

«I'll Be Your Mirror» is a spark within this dark, and I'd never ridicule the sincere dream to which it (and most every one of us) aspires, but suffice it to say:

Mirror? Love is blind.