Mp3 Killed the Vinyl DJ 10: Free Tonetta!

Tonetta: «Get It Going» b/w «Mmm Mama!» 7" [.zip]

Are you on Facebook™? Well, so was Tonetta, until they banished him, simply for being himself (sometimes herself). The only thing he ever did was post clips from his YouTube channel. (YouTube also excommunicated him once, but they let him back in. It just wasn't the same without him.) The images aren't even explicit, and there's no malice in his words, so what Facebook's problem is, is anybody's guess. Like YouTube, the social networking site should welcome him back, if not for good taste, then for the sake of free speech (and all that). There's enough gentrification in the real world, we have to clean up our virtual world as well? What would the Internet be without porn? (That was a rhetorical question, but the answer is: «Still just a military communications network.»)

Naturally, we can't have this. So to sneak Tonetta back in—through the back door, as it were—Toilet Guppies has created a Facebook Page© for the Facebook™ Tonetta Appreciation Society. Like™ it now, then share your favourite Tonetta videos, stories, thoughts, feelings, downstairs tingles and/or musically inspired bowel movements with like-minded individuals!

«Who is Tonetta?» I hear you ask. He's the finest 60-something recording pervert currently operating out of Canada, that's who, and probably the most prolific degenerate allowed to operate on a website owned by Google. (At the time of writing, Tonetta's YouTube channel contains 161 music videos.) He dresses up in what is obviously his house, not in fancy dress or high fashion, but in seemingly random get-ups (he's more a Lord Dada than a Lady Gaga) and sings about stuff that would go down very well in a kindergarten—when he doesn't sing about stuff that would go down well in a gay bar. He's the man, he's the shit, he's the man shit! Some scholar is bound to label him an «outsider artist», so let's nip that one in the bud right now by saying once and for all that Tonetta is not crazy, is not clueless, is not unintentionally funny, is not coincidentally good, is not some idiot savant. Tonetta makes rock'n'roll for the child inside. He kicks arse, grinning. He's the song in your throat as you sing in the golden shower. He's the twinkle in yer daddy's eye while your daddy is getting his feet tickled by a feminist transsexual. Perhaps his record label put it best when they said, «Very little is known of Tonetta.» To quote the Mighty Boosh: «Some say he once read the mind of a pelican and then fainted.»

Tonetta has one album out, 777, vol. 1. Black Tent Press are taking pre-orders for Vol. 2 now. They're very gracious; even though the albums are in vinyl format, you get a CD version with each purchase.

The exception is this release—a 7" with two non-album tracks, «Get It Going» and the spectacular «Mmm Mama!»:
You erupt my volcano
You simmer me down
You do all the things from dreams
Right through to reality
But fear not. These 192 kbps mp3s enable you to listen to the above tracks as you sit among the deviants on public transport, Tonetta's lascivious drawl cuddling your piqued ears as you begin to sense the secrets of the other passengers fill the air…

Of course, Tonetta is still on MySpace.

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