One more sleep until kicks off. For those getting a Friday night head start, here's Noise Floor Crew's retooling of Portishead's no-nonsense kick-in-yer-conscience track off Third, the sublime and terrifying «Machine Gun»—remixed so you can dance to it!

For more existential dance, come early to hear Toilet Guppies' own Sheik Yerdix play a set tomorrow night at Sjokoladefabrikken. Doors open 22:00. 100 kr. entrance, 80 kr. before midnight.


Net Nuggets 21: Lose Control!

A while back, I posted Girls Against Boys' definitive cover of Joy Division's «She's Lost Control». You could read that song as an ode to party people's reckless and almost compulsive disregard for their own well-being—which, incidentally, is what this Saturday's Toilet Guppies-sponsored club night is all about. Punch common sense in the tits, why dontcha, and head down to Sjokoladefabrikken on the 28th of November! Toilet Guppies' official trash consultant, DJ Sheik Yerdix, may or may not play «She's Lost Control», but if he does, it'll probably be one of these versions:

Tronik Youth's metallic knock-out skullfuck remix of Joy Division's original, gradually reducing the track to its backbone, with only the frazzled, fuzzed-out drums left in the end, lingering like the buzz in your spine whenever N2O vibrates in your marrow:
Joy Division: «She's Lost Control» (Tronik Youth shred it edit) [mp3]

Then there's the new (and as-yet unreleased) BJM song, obviously inspired by the Mancunian post-punks' «She's Lost Control» (rhythm track) and «I Remember Nothing» (lyrics):
The Brian Jonestown Massacre: «This Is the One Thing We Did Not» [mp3]

Sjokoladefabrikken @ Stockholmgata 12, Oslo.
Doors open 22:00.
Entrance fee: kr. 100,- (80,- before midnight!)


Mp3 Killed the Vinyl DJ 6: HTRK, Team Plastique, and △

HTRK: «ksext» [mp3]
[Download disabled, due to inferior vinyl rip. New and improved rip here.]

As mentioned earlier, Toilet Guppies is an accessory to the forthcoming new club night in Oslo, . Until one of us «discovered» funtastic electropunk cabaret sensation Team Plastique, resident DJ Sheik Yerdix entertained grandiose daydreams of getting hate rock trio HTRK to play the event, with Jonnine Standish patiently pummeling the trendies to a pulp with her slow and brutal bass drum, teaching us all a lesson:

That's not going to happen. Still, as HTRK is an inspiration their music may serve as a taste of what attitude to expect from the barely controlled chaos that is, for want of a better word, . Hear, then, this instrumental hate rock track from limited edition vinyl-only split EP, «Keep Mother» #6. You know the feel of it, you know the smell of it, the taste of it, and the look of it; now hear the sound of sex. «ksext» may not have the hallmark decadent singing of Ms. Standish—a voice that simultaneously exudes horniness and boredom, in equal measure—but that guitar is pure swampy, sweaty lust. (I think Nigel Yang's guitar just had an orgasm.) For those of us too young to have witnessed Suicide, the Birthday Party, Einstürzende Neubauten, SWANS or Teenage Jesus & the Jerks back in their late '70s/early '80s heyday, HTRK represent a rare hope that all is not bland.

As do certain other in-yer-face artists—such as the tits-out electro splosher nudists of Team Plastique, to make their first appearance in Norway in just five days! So catch them while you can:

Sjokoladefabrikken, Oslo on Saturday 28 November, from 10pm til late. Suckers stay at home, and only neuters attend other nightspots.


Rare or Unreleased 35: Womanneed!

PJ Harvey: To Bring You My Love outtakes [.zip]

Today's Saturday, which means you could probably use some music to prep you for tonight and get you all psyched for its inevitable excesses, but more importantly: get you oiled up and ready for next weekend's electro cabaret bash here in Oslo:

1995 saw the release of PJ Harvey's seminal To Bring You My Love, the breakthrough and arguably most accomplished record of her career, with its varied but assured arrangements and ballsy, uncompromising delivery. Upon release, both album singles and a limited edition bonus CD featured radio recordings, earlier demos and outtakes from the recording sessions. These are now out of print, but worry not: TG brings to you the four To Bring You My Love outtakes that aren't commercially available anymore. (Completists: A fifth song, «Naked Cousin», is still available on the soundtrack to The Crow—City of Angels.)

«Maniac» (with emphasis on «man»), «Harder» (with emphasis on «hard») and «Darling Be There» (with emphasis on «being there», frequently a requirement for the first, after he's been the second) are all
dripping with two kinds of womanneed. «Maniac» and «Harder» are demands to be dominated—to be obliterated by desire, the screaming plaything of passion at once in charge and submissive. «Darling Be There» names the price of the lunch. (As that adorably clueless socio Dexter registers, as he tries to make sense of the mess that are human emotions: «She wants something from me. Ever since the blow job she assumes we've taken it to the next level.») «One Time too Many» is Harvey at her most funky—and sassy, as she mocks a man who just cannot deliver. Hot.

Toilet Guppies-sponsored club night is only a week away today, and man are we psyched! It's mainly an electro night, with naughty cabaret thrown in for kicks, so don't expect to hear any PJ Harvey—although burlesque duo Femme Ferale are known to bounce, jiggle and writhe to raunchy rawk'n'roll. (And who knows? DJ Sheik Yerdix has a tendency to lapse back into R'n'R whenever he feels the proceedings need to be injected with a little soul.)

Whatever the music, it's just that attitude; some of Harvey's songs here are among the sexiest ever put to tape, and her sassy-lassie fire-down-below swagger seems perfectly in keeping with Femme Ferale's trashed-up burlesque. Brazenly, Harvey bypasses sultriness altogether, going straight for unbridled lust. As both PJ Harvey's music and Femme Ferale's tattooed punklesque(?!) prove, snarls and pouts will always be hotter than innocent smiles, however teasing or inviting.
Crawling, too—one of Femme Ferale's past-times—is sexier than even a long-legged strut down the catwalk.

So do yerself a favour and come on down to Sjokoladefabrikken next Saturday (28 November) for some satisfaction action to make your liver quiver. I certainly wouldn't miss the opportunity to witness firsthand a burlesque act that's a little less vanilla than the strictly retro (and mostly cute) performers of this town. You see the pictures. Free psychiatric assistance to anyone who feels they're able to resist…

Signing off now with a choice YuoTube moment. Guys, get ready to be reduced to a pathetic pulp of pulsing manneed:


Mp3 Killed the Vinyl DJ 5: Mae West & Other Feral Femmes

While many Feminists seem to believe that sexuality caters to men, not women (because being an object of desire is seen to have less to do with desire, and more to do with being an object), some women embrace sex not because they're victimised or weak—or even because they want to exploit men's weaknesses—but simply because they're randy. When Mae West wrote her play Sex, landing her in court on obscenity charges, she didn't do so because sex sells. She was just a sexpot. The girl couldn't help it, and damned if she'd let some boring old farts—fragile, male egos and jealous female egos, both intimidated by a woman's sexual freedom and demands—stop her. What they objected to, of course, was that she went from being an object of desire to being a subject of desire. Worse: both at the same time!

Nothing can be hotter, of course, and no rhetoric from insecure patriarchs or puritanical Feminists will ever change that.

Toilet Guppies is currently in on organising a sexedelic electro burlesque event in Oslo (the first night to be held on Saturday 28 November), and certain locals—clubbers, trendies, party youths, no less—have voiced their disapproval at the news that a burlesque duo will be performing, perhaps baring it all. The effortlessly titillating Chiquita Bonita and Lucrezia La Bomba of Femme Ferale, who won Best New Troupe at the 2008 London Burlesque Festival, have agreed to entice and tease us with their playful and modernised burlesque act. Apparently, even the innocent tease of vaudeville strip is too much for the fragile egos of many young Norwegians…

But Femme Ferale have embraced their beauty, flaunting it as they have it, and have chosen to cultivate their self-esteem and -possession. They don't rely on the scraps thrown their way by sexually frustrated businessmen whose wives don't understand them, nor are they in any way limited by the violent control of brute mafiosi. They're merely sizzling hot. Why hide behind false modesty? So that their «sisters» won't feel so unappealing, boring and sexless as Femme Ferale command the stage? It's high time the general population of Norway is not hemmed in by some people's neuroses…

As with burlesque acts, Mae West was full of humour. Sex was about fun, pleasure, life, not about politics—unless we're talking the politics of fun, pleasure, choice. And so it is that one of the club night's resident DJs, Sheik Yerdix, has provided Toilet Guppies with a selection of 1966
recordings made by a 74 year-old West, backed by a teenage garage sensation (the aptly named Somebody's Chyldren!). Femme Ferale aren't your average burlesque troupe, residing in a nostalgic fantasy-land of safe tease, soundtracked by the same old exotica or '30s jazz, yet there's something of Mae West's assured attitude present in their slightly punked-up burlesque, so here you go. These are the highlights from Mae West's rare Way Out West, an album full of Dylan, Beatles and John Lee Hooker covers, as well as various garage standards—an album considered so negligible that it's never been reissued. But as these four tracks—and the obscene price Sheik Yerdix had to shell out for an original vinyl copy—prove, the combination of a sexed-up septuagenerian bombshell and a band of hormonal teen boys is as good an idea on vinyl as it was on paper.

Lighten up, Oslo, and prepare yourself:

Mae West & Somebody's Chyldren: Selections from Way Out West [.zip]

1. Treat Him Right
2. Boom Boom
3. Shakin' All Over
4. Mae Day

@ Sjokoladefabrikken, Stockholmgata 12, Oslo,
on Saturday 28 November.
Doors open 22:10. Entrance kr. 100,-.
RSVP Facebook.


Rare or Unreleased 34: The Fall

[Toilet Guppies is away on a field trip to the neighbourhood of infinity to witness the Fall. In the meantime, enjoy:]

The Fall: Live in Munich—1984 vs. 2004 [.zip]:

1. Neighbourhood of Infinity (1984)
2. Smile (1984)
3. Copped It (1984)
4. 2X4 (1984)
5. Sparta 2XX (2004)
6. Mountain Energei (2004)
7. Janet, Johnny & James (2004)
8. Blindness (2004)


Mp3 Killed the Vinyl DJ 4: KV

Kurt Vile: «He's Alright» 7" B-sides [.zip]

Last month, Matador Records released one of the most noteworthy albums of the year, Kurt Vile's Childish Prodigy. The CD and a limited edition 7" could be pre-ordered from Matador.

But once the record was released, iTunes started offering a version of the album with an extra bonus track available only if you purchase the entire album, from them. Similarly, subscription-only mp3 service eMusic now offers a different bonus track, exclusively available through them. (Provided you take up a subscription.)

Now, the Matador 7" has «He's Alright» for its A-side (a song that's available as a hidden track on all versions of the album, in all formats). The B-sides—«Farfisas in Falltime» and «Take Your Time»—are the mp3 exclusives, on iTunes and eMusic, respectively.

To re-cap: a terrific album is promoted by offering mutually exclusive exclusives that benefit the outlets, never the buyer (in a sense exploiting the artist in the process). While iTunes, eMusic and Matador make a marginal, negligible profit, Kurt Vile won't sell more copies of his album. Not less copies, either, but some of his songs won't be heard.

Unless you buy the 7", which you have to listen to at home, on a large and impractical apparatus that requires expensive maintenance and/or a costly model to run properly. And even then the songs will hardly benefit from the uneven tempo of the revolutions, the crackle of the dust, the wear of both the vinyl and the needle, &c. And that's only if you're lucky enough to get a copy out of the limited edition single. (I know, I know; vinyl isn't compressed like mp3s—but Kurt Vile is a lo-fi artist.)

Please do buy the album. With Childish Prodigy, Kurt Vile has given singing-songwriting a good name again. And it won't matter what format you buy the record in, or from which retailer, now that you can download vinyl transfers of the sometime-album tracks here.

And they're good tracks, too. They should be on the CD.


Rare or Unreleased 33: Kap! Bam! Pow!

If you heard Kap Bambino in Norway, chances are you heard them at Upopulær! first—the now defunct Oslo club night that's probably the only rave for drunks the world has ever seen. And in 2007 they managed to get the French electro duo to come play the most morally restrictive capital in the western world. By now Kap Bambino is the toast of the electro blog world.

When W + M, the team behind Upopulær!, got the creeping suspicion they were repeating themselves, they did the only honourable thing and relegated the night to the fickle waste bin of fashion history, leaving a vacuum in an already vacuous city. But finally they're back!

Not that they're rehashing old triumphs. Along with a few other reprobates, they're about to bring to the people of Oslo some much needed sexedelic electroburlesque—a new club night of hedonistic decadence in the heart of puritanism!

Kap Bambino won't be coming, but Toilet Guppies' music consultant and affiliate DJ, Sheik Yerdix is, and most likely he'll be playing something by them. According to him, whenever he hears their Nintendo noise he's reminded of
these 4 hong kong meth hedz . there only hobby, other then locking themselves in for days on end playing video games high on speed , was to collect hello kitty stuff. til one day they started tortureing a waitress friend. for a month. when one of the speedfreaks, a 14 year old girl at the time , complained to police that she was haunted by there victims Ghost,the cops found the poor waitresses skull in one off there hello kitty dolls.
kap bam must be what the inside of those peoples heads sounded like ..
Sheik Yerdix also says:
neutral is kap bams third e.p. it was released in 2005 and is out off print . before this there c.d.'s where mostly instrumental tracks, like nintendo and atari 8-bit shit. but with neutral khima france a.k.a caroline martial started shouting on top of backing tracks that r really like crazy and shit. its not nostalgia for the 80's like bitpop and chiptune. this isnt for nerds. this is sick and twisted psych-fucked dada punk with all the wacky sex and rage you can take. neutral isnt computer game music for kidz . its internet porn after 5 days on crack ! not a good idea but great music!!! if ignorance is bliss then the people dancing out off joy r suckerz! take ur loneliness and ur sorrow and channel em into rage ! then dance it out off ur system!!!!!!
  1. Neutral
  2. Sdds
  3. Insane Driver
  4. Enhate
  5. Follow Me
  6. Riddim of Madness
You heard the man: If you do anything this winter, come to the only club night in northern Europe that sidesteps both naïve innocence and jaded irony. No sarcasm or nostalgia here; just cheap thrills and divine catharsis. Come see London's Femme Ferale (a burlesque duo with little respect for retro conventions), the literally colourful (and frequently nude!) mess that is electro trio Team Plastique's show, and porn VJing courtesy of VJ Romvæsn and the mighty louche that is Sheik Yerdix. Hell, yes:

Remember, remember
the 28th of November!
@ Sjokoladefabrikken, Oslo
Malmøgata 5
Doors open 22:00
NOK 100,-, RSVP Facebook